Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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