Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
