i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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