Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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