You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
