can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
