thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
