I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
