ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
