He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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