what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
