I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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