i don't like sucking hair
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
