There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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