Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
