you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
