It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
