is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
