Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
