Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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