Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
