Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize