we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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