I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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