Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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