I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
