; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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