brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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