I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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