tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
