Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
