Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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