U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
