I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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