I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want nice things and good sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
