some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
