you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
3pm strippers are depressing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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