its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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