You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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