nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no. you can't hotbox the world.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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