just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
