Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
