Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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