just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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