Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
