Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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