Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Never joke about your clitoris.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
