I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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