***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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