So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
