So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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