Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
