maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
