Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
