carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
