We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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