How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
