dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
