I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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