I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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