if i can run in heels then i can drive
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
