when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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