i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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