she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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