Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
