Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
